Isabella is SO adorable and Lilli is SUCH a big helper, I can't even tell you. Lilli is great with her, constantly loving on her that at times I have to divert her to something else..
The second weekend in March, I went to a Women's Retreat with a girlfriend. I was hesitant on going and was somewhat signed up against my will. But, in the end, I decided that I'd go and try to revive my broken Spirit. I wanted to be spoken to and connect with God, but yet I didn't. It was a weird place that I haven't been in a while. I mean, I know who He is, I know that He will never leave and that He is always there, my faith isn't a question. My relationship and desire for Him seems to be more of the question. But it's not anymore. He and I have had some very interesting conversations lately. So I went to this conference with an open mind. LOL-behold, here it is about "The Wide Open Space of God-A Journey with God through the Landscapes of Life." Hum, well, if I was ever going through a landscape where I needed to see God, it was now. So I sat back and listened...then He spoke. One of the first things out of Beth's (the speaker) mouth was that God is Bigger than ______. And she wanted us to fill in whatever we were struggling with. Disappointment, broken hearts, burnt out ministries, feeling like a wrung out dishrag....etc. Instead of living the life that God intended for me to live, I was fighting Him, living a life that I wanted to live because I was scared. Because of the unknown. You see, since I was O, I don't know, 10 or so, I've wanted to work in an Orphanage. I even went and spent a summer in Bolivia to experience it first-hand. It was that summer, the summer before my Junior year that I told God that I'd go wherever. He told me Africa. I told Him Bible College in Wisconsin first. He told me Africa. I looked into it. I told Him Chicago. He told me Africa. I told Him Oregon. He told me Africa. I told Him Chicago again. He's telling me Africa. A couple days before the conference, un-beknownce to me what the topic was...I was standing at the Kitchen sink washing bottles when God started talking to me. I've never really experienced it like this before. The house was quiet. Lilli was at school, Isabella was sleeping. He said Africa. That phrase. I told Him not right now. He said, "Rebecca. I'm bigger than your fears. I'm bigger than debt. I'm bigger than the unknown. I"m bigger." "I know, God. I know. Not right now." So, what does He do, He HAS to draw in my Mom. Mom calls me a few days later to tell me that God spoke to her, and told her that I'm supposed to go to Africa. AHHH!!! I now walk around all day singing that song..."Please don't send me to Africa..." But, deep in my heart, I know that I won't truly be happy until I am doing His work that He's created and intended for me to do. I think that I'm finally seeing that it might be Africa. I want to embrace the unique calling for my life. Africa. I want to have the desire to live life for a bigger calling. Africa. I came home, set up a budget, and am starting to figure out how I can go. I'm starting, slowly, to ask the question, "is this something that I NEED or WANT?" And, for those who know me well....that's a tough one! Of course I NEEEEDD those Black patent leather open toe strappy back Coach 2 inch heels!!! AGH!
So, the rest of my life is just crazy. For not "having" a life, it seems to be full. Just the way that I like it! Life as a Nanny diffently has changed with adding Bella to the mix! Kim went back to work full time at the beginning of March. It was hard on all of us! I enjoyed having Kim's company, of course the girls enjoyed having her around, and it was so nice to have her to entertain Bella or play with Lilli why I folded laundry or emptied the dishwasher! The best was that she was around to change those dreaded poppie diapers! Bella and I have talks on a daily basis that she needs to wait till 5:30, but for some reason, she still does it at 5:10....Silly girl! I'm thinking of maybe going back to school. You know, in procrastination to Africa! I'm thinking of teaching, or culinary. hum...what to do!
On March 15th, I flew out to Nebraska to help Host my Best Friend Jessica's Baby Shower! What a FUN time! We also FINISHED her nursery, and that was just a blessing!!! It's absolutely FABULOUS, and I can't even tell you...it's just gorgeous! Here's some pics....
She is looking all prego, and it was sad to both of us, and we both actually cried cause the next time I see her, she's gonna be a momma. We can't just run out for coffee or something, it all has to be planned out. Weird. She looks FANTASTIC, and is going to make a Fabulous mom. I rode almost the entire hour with my hand on her belly feeling the baby move. My name will be Fairy God Mother. I don't like the sound of Aunt Rebecca. Everyone is called "Aunt..." I of course, can't have things the same...so I'm going to be Fairy God Mother. They aren't of the "God Parent" beliefs, so it's kinda the same thing....ANYWAY....Jessica told me that my problem is that, and I agree with her, that I hang out with all marrieds that are older than me and have kids...I don't hang out with anyone who is near my age and single. SO, I'm going to look into the "Singles" group at Willow Creek or Harvest Bible....they have a good rep. and I'm not into Match.com or eharmony....Anyway, so I'll let you know how that goes. Not sure if I'm ready to hit that road again or not. Getting thrown in front of the train 3 times in 4 years is enough for me.
OK, I think that I'm fading, and Sally's at the part where her boyfriend breaks up with her, and Harry comes over to comfort her, and they start kissing, realizing that they like each other and I just don't think that I can handle this...ugh. Gonna fold laundry and get to bed. I have to teach Sunday School tomorrow both hours since Jayne is gone-actually looking forward to it!
Night y'all! Love, Rebecca
